I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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