i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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