Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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