Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
