Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
