2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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