Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
