ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I want is dick and wine.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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