I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
