So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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