You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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