Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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