She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
