I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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