new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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