She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
