Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
