he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
