I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
