My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
