Me too!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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