You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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