I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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