I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
