Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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