you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
