I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
