The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't deserve a penis
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
