I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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