Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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