Me. At least after what I've been through.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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