Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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