how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
