I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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