All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's always time for handjobs
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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