I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
