the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize