i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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