there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
