No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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