No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
