I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
