Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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