but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize