hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
