things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
