I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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