If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
