don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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