Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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