I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
