I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm too high and old for this...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
