ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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