he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
