trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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