Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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