rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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