Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
