I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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