and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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