I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
