Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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