I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I love watching others lives come down to our level.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
