no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
