I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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