After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
