I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
only if we run a train.
done.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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