Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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