I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
