Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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