Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
