1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
